“I’m Irish,” he said, “and that rule only applies to everyone else.”

“Is that why you wore orange?” I asked, thinking of the flag perhaps.

“I’ve never heard of that,” said Caldwell. “Your name isn’t even Irish.” It could have been Irish, I thought, but wasn’t exclusively Irish.

“Look at my ruddy face,” he said. “That’s the Irish. And yeah, we wear orange.”

“I thought you hated orange if you were Irish,” said Chris.

“You don’t know anything,” he said. “It’s in the flag.” But Caldwell pinched, and Chris pinched, and then I pinched.

Afterwards I said, “Do you think he wanted to be pinched today?”

“You’re crazy,” said Chris. “And your socks are barely green.”

But they did have green stripes.