Today I read that the I.R.S. has spies on facebook, tracking all of my resort surgeries and trips to the secretive Nigerian vault wherein my gold is hidden.  Yes, my liberty has been violated, but this is no surprise.

That’s because I am familiar with the double-dealing ways of Irwin R. Scheyster.  He pretends to work for you, but in fact, he’s in the pocket of Ted Dibiasi, The Million Dollar Man, and has been all along.  The I.R.S. is a founding member of “Money Inc.”  I never trusted him and never will.


I am not surprised that he has posed on facebook as one of my many Nigerian manservants in order to track my offshore palace renovations, as I have seen this man viciously attack Razor Ramon from behind with a folding chair while that doddering umpire — he might as well have been Obama — looked the other way.

Who could forget Irwin’s cowardly display at the 1995 Royal Rumble?  Seemingly knocked cold by The Undertaker’s vicious chokeslam, I.R.S. crept away on his slimy belly to thieve The Undertaker’s precious urn, filled with unknown black magic treasures.  

That’s why I’ve been tracking him too, with my private detective army, as would any mildly intelligent patriot with ample means, i.e., any legitimate citizen.  I am not surprised and less worried, though a bit confused.  I thought he changed his name to Mr. Wallstreet some time ago.